Self-Mastery: Self-Regulation for Peak Performance and Multidimensional Wellbeing
We are what we think. Or is it that, we are what we feel?
Our thoughts and emotions are complicated and connected.
Sometimes it can feel that we are at mercy of our feelings and overthinking negative tendencies, that we have no control – I used to be the same.
My mind was full of negativity and overthinking.
I was overwhelmed and suffering.
However, I have learnt how to take back control using a combination of modern knowledge, for example cognitive-behavioural techniques, and Eastern philosophy for example mindfulness and meditation.
This blog combines my knowledge of science, life experience and practices like yoga and meditation to teach you practices for self-regulation of the mind. This learning will help you on the journey to self-mastery, peak performance and multidimensional wellbeing through mind control.
If you want self-mastery, you must learn to regulate your emotions, thoughts and behaviours. When reflecting on what we have control of, the only things in life that we are in total control of are our thoughts and behaviours. We may not have control over our emotional responses, but we have some control over our secondary emotional responses (our feelings about our feelings e.g. feeling guilt over being angry). Essentially we can control our reactions to our circumstances and how we are feeling.
The first step of any growth in self-regulation is in AWARENESS. Awareness is everything; it will set you free. So much of our thinking, feeling and behaving is done unconsciously. Some of this is necessary. For example, you wouldn’t want to have to re-learn how to brush your teeth every time. However, we get into trouble with unconscious thinking, feeling and behaving when they are not aligned with our highest good, are not healthy or are the result of being triggered. Essentially, they can be unhealthy and unhelpful.
Further, awareness is the first step of the Wellbeing Explorers guide to transformation.
We have many different voices or parts in our head that are competing for our attention. You will have more, but some of the main ones include your inner critic, inner champion and autopilot. Each have their benefits (the autopilot is explored above with the toothbrush example), however the inner critic keeps us trapped in our body’s threat-defence system (fight, flight or freeze). When we feel inadequate, we are threatening our self-concept. So, we attack the problem – ourselves! Whilst clearly the inner critic also helps to keep us SAFE, repetitive and prolonged stress and self-attacking is unhelpful for our physical and mental health.
Once you have awareness of your inner critic, you can cultivate the thinking style you want, and consequently how you behave.
Healthy self-reflection with your thoughts is:
C – Curious
O – Open
A – Accepting
L – Loving
It takes self-awareness and intention, repetition, conscious challenging and active participation in our self-reflection to change unhelpful thoughts, habits, patterns and unhelpful or unkind self-talk and cultivate self-compassion and an inner champion.
Negative Thinking Support:
Emotions are essentially chemical messengers. A more exciting way to think of them would be e-motion; energy in motion. Emotions flow. They have a start and end time and are the body’s way of signalling threats and rewards. They keep us safe, however, emotions can cause trouble if we are living in a state of perpetual fear, sadness, anxiety…even the constant experience of positive emotions like exhilaration or joy are tiring for the body and consequently cause stress. Emotions also have the power to guide our thoughts and behaviours.
Emotions serve to help you:
Remember people and events
Cope with situations in daily life
Communicate with others
Avoid pain and seek pleasure
Survive (fight, flight, freeze)
Emotions are neither good nor bad. They aren’t even positive or negative. More beneficial language would be ‘unpleasant’ or ‘pleasant’, or ‘helpful and ‘unhelpful’; the attribution of meaning around the emotion you are feeling is situationally dependent, or as a result of previous experience (for example past wounding or unmet needs)
You can learn to regulate your emotions. You do this through adjusting, modifying or controlling the intensity or length of your emotional responses and consequent reactions. You have a mindful acceptance of your response, regulate and manage which emotions you have, when you have them, the strength of the emotion and how you experience and express your feelings.
Essentially, you cannot always control what you are feeling but you can always control how you react to your feelings.
Thus, emotion regulation involves self-regulating emotions in a way that is consistent with your goals (works for you towards peak performance) in support of your journey of self-mastery.
Emotion Regulation Pro-Tip:
If thought regulation requires consistent intention and emotion regulation involves some conscious control; behaviour regulation is the easiest task of the three.
Ultimately, you can in total control of how you behave.
Behaviour is a combination of thinking, emotions and automatic reactions. Before you act, take a moment. Step back and bring some awareness to what you are about to do. If you are experiencing an emotion, accept it, acknowledge it then bring your rational mind to the front. Ensure your behaviour is aligned with your values, how you want to show up in the world and coming from a healthy place, not a wounded, triggered response. Is how you are about to behave in the pursuit of the good society and a compassionate, thoughtful and intentional way of being?
Some ideas for behavioural strategies are:
Relaxation
Mindfulness
Communication skills
Intentional use of language
Behavioural experiments (e.g. if you believe you cannot speak in front of an audience roleplay or do mock presentations)
Time management strategies (action plans, list making, prioritising)
Accountability and support systems
Behaviour strategy idea:
(Note the error! Haha! Here are 4, not 5, action plan pro-tips! Ahh to be human - please forgive the mistake)
Bring the unconscious, conscious to manage your thoughts, emotions and behaviours. The ultimate goal is to live in a spacious awareness. The space just below your consciousness. This is where our true wisdom lies. This is what we access when we are far along the path of self-mastery.
I get TOTALLY EXCITED by sharing this information with all you fantastic Wellbeing Explorers. My hope is there has been information in here that will change your life, at least that’s what it did for me. 10 years later and I am thriving. Still on the journey for sure, but totally liberated from my toxic mind.
It is my passion and purpose to share some of my most cherished lessons and learning with all you, as I know it will support you on your journey.
We went deep, but we came out with knowledge of and compassion for self-regulation and mind over matter.
Get in touch for your FREE 30 minute Positive Psychology Coaching consultation. This is the work I thrive on teaching. It will generate massive TRANSFORMATION in your life.
Yours in exploration and with love,
Emma
