12 Lessons to Break Free from Negative Thinking towards Self-Mastery
Explore how your thinking is getting in your way. Learn your thinking errors and self-coaching techniques to regulate your thoughts towards self-mastery.
Negative or unhelpful thinking is probably the biggest reason people come to me for positive psychology coaching or reach out with questions. And this is the stuff I LOVE to educate people about. I used to be stuck in constant cycles of negative thinking and self-criticism. I hear you, I feel you, I got you!
Sometimes it can feel that we are at mercy of our feelings and overthinking negative tendencies, that we have no control – I used to be the same. My mind was full of negativity and overthinking. However, I have learnt over the years how to take back control using a combination of modern knowledge, for example cognitive-behavioural techniques, and Eastern philosophy for example mindfulness and meditation.
This blog combines my knowledge of science, life experience and practices like yoga and meditation to teach you practices for self-regulation of the mind. This learning will help you on the journey to self-mastery, peak performance and multidimensional wellbeing through the mind control of SELF-MASTERY
12 Lessons to break free from negative thinking:
1. I think therefore I am
2. We create our inner world and dialogue; therefore, we can change it.
3. Neuroplasticity: retrain your beliefs and thinking patterns through consistency and intentionality
4. Time spent in your own mind can be positive and negative (even better language; helpful, or unhelpful)
5. Who and what is my Inner champion?
6. Who and what is my Inner critic?
7. Who and what is my Autopilot?
8. Healthy self-reflection
9. Cultivate the thinking style you want and LIVE IT
10. Understanding thinking errors or automatic negative thoughts (ANTs)
11. Performance enhancing techniques
12. Mindfulness creates a spacious awareness. This is liberation
1. I think therefore I am
Thoughts are POWERFUL. Our thoughts cause us to act and feel. Our thinking reinforces our beliefs about the world around us, other people and ourselves. Therefore, how we think about ourselves and the inner dialogue we have, impacts our self-esteem and self-efficacy, and therefore our performance and relationships. (Note Self-esteem: How we feel about ourselves. Self-efficacy: Your belief in your ability to do e.g. accomplish, succeed, complete, perform)
2. We create our inner world and dialogue; therefore, we can change it.
We are in full control over our thoughts. If you are in the beginning of the journey, it may feel like you have little awareness or control, however this is a skill that can be cultivated. It takes self-awareness and intention, repetition, conscious challenging and active participation in our self-reflection to change unhelpful thoughts, habits, patterns and unhelpful or unkind self-talk and cultivate self-compassion and an inner champion.
3. Neuroplasticity: retrain your beliefs and thinking patterns through consistency and intentionality
The more times you think a thought, the more automatic and stronger it becomes. This is true for both unhelpful and helpful thinking (negative and positive, but we don’t use that language round here! Nothing is either positive or negative, all things have their place for learning and growth). Our thinking works from automatic thoughts, attitudes, intermediate beliefs and core beliefs. Our beliefs drive our behaviour. Thoughts are the easiest to change, but a belief is basically a thought we have thought thousands of times! You can retrain your ingrained belief system through the intentionality of neuroplasticity.
4. Time spent in your own mind can be ‘positive’ and ‘negative’
(even better language; helpful/ unhelpful or pleasant/ unpleasant)
There are many positive benefits to self-reflection and introspection. Time spent alone in thought can be an enriching, empowering and positive experience, however it can also be a dangerous and unhealthy place if you turn negatively against yourself and are self-critical or ruminate. Ultimately, you do get to choose. This is a choice. However, choosing the path of a healthy and helpful inner world is not necessarily the easiest path. There will be lots of swimming upstream, particularly against your own mind! However, you can get there. It’s easier with support.
5. Who and what is my Inner champion?
An inner champion is the voice of compassion, self-kindness, motivation and usually, support. Often our inner champion can be a voice of reason to help bring awareness to the narrative of the unhelpful voices and allow us to see other opportunities and options. The benefits of an inner champion include truly knowing yourself; assessing your values, needs, strengths and act with intention, integrity and in alignment with your values; understanding why you act, behave, think or feel in certain ways and reflect on interactions or behaviours; identifying goals or areas for development; Less stress and anxiety; Can respond and not react; Improving confidence; Challenging your inner critic; and many more!
6. Who and what is my Inner critic?
Your inner critic is the less supportive voice in your head. It may be cruel, unkind, disruptive and stops you from acting in ways you know are good for you. What is interesting though, is your inner critic is just trying to keep you safe. It is offering up all the ways you may get hurt, whether that is on your self-concept, your physical health or in your social standing. However, whilst it is important to be aware of negative stimuli, our brains process these faster and more intensely than positive stimuli. Your mind has therefore evolved to think negatively to keep you as safe as possible. We get into trouble when this is not managed or keeps running in our heads. When we criticise ourselves, we tap into our body’s threat-defence system (fight, flight or freeze). This is one of the quickest response systems in the body and means self-criticism is one of the first reactions when something goes wrong. When we feel inadequate, we are threatening our self-concept. So, we attack the problem – ourselves! If you do not soothe your inner critic with self-compassion and alternative thinking, feeling and behaving the repetitive stress will be detrimental to your health, happiness, relationships and peak performance.
7. Who and what is my Autopilot?
Our autopilot is running when we are unconscious to our thoughts. When on autopilot we perceive and process experiences or interactions based on our internal values, emotional systems, automatic thoughts and belief systems. When our autopilot is running the show, it is difficult for any alternative thoughts or interpretations to come through. Our experiences tend to validate our existing beliefs, whether they are helpful or unhelpful. However, we need autopilot – autopilot conserves energy and allows us to learn things like brushing our teeth and repeating them with minimal effort. It also supports healthy habits e.g. exercising, running, getting enough sleep…
8. Healthy self-reflection
When you are in self-reflection experiment with being:
C – Curious,
O – Open,
A – Accepting,
L – Loving.
Tune in, settle in, find space, find quiet. Gain objective self-awareness by reflect on your thoughts, values, behaviour, personality, interests or passions, motivations. Reflect on what kind of thinking you wish to cultivate. Think about self-compassion. The Dalai Lama defines compassion as an openness to suffering and the wish to relieve it. Self-compassion is when this is directed toward oneself. Self-compassion involves self-kindness, common humanity and mindfulness. It has immense benefits for our multidimensional wellbeing and self-mastery.
9. Cultivate the thinking style you want and LIVE IT
In order to cultivate the thinking style you want and live it intentionally and consistently you need to think the same thing every day (and several times a day); Fully believe your thoughts (or fake it until you make it); Match your actions to your thoughts; Behave in congruence with your thoughts; Set intentions; and Implement some performance enhancing techniques.
10. Understanding thinking errors or automatic negative thoughts (ANTs)
Thinking errors are attitudes, beliefs and values that we strongly hold despite objective evidence, generally available and understood, to the contrary. They are usually rigid, inflexible, non-empirical, illogical and not functional. They are different to judgements about situations. There are several thinking errors for example: rumination (the cycling of negative thoughts in our mind), fortune telling, demands (should, have to, must do), catastrophising, mind reading, low frustration tolerance (I can’t stand it-it’s), taking things personally, being rigid in our thinking and more. Understanding which thinking errors you use regularly or in specific situations is key to awareness and creating action and momentum to breaking free from negative thinking.
11. Performance enhancing techniques
In the same way there are a multitude of ways our minds keep us safe through thinking errors, there are endless ways that we can intentionally work towards healthier and more helpful inner worlds. Some ideas include watch your expectations; think cool thoughts by avoiding strongly emotive language like must, should, ought; take note of your thinking errors and call yourself out when you fall into old habits; and understand your triggers by bringing awareness to what is going on internally and externally, physically and emotionally.
12. Mindfulness creates a spacious awareness. This is liberation.
Mindfulness is a state of conscious awareness of what is going on internally and externally, and a presence and acceptance. Mindfulness also supports us to not be overwhelmed or overly reactive to internal or external stimuli. Mindfulness is an innate human ability and can be cultivated. It’s not about changing who you are, but it may support you to change how you react, in order to be happier and healthier. It’s a way of living and being. It is evidence based and also ancient philosophical knowledge.
Biggest takeaways:
· Your mind has evolved to think negatively. It is natural to dwell longer and have a stronger reaction to your negative thoughts or events, but you can learn strategies to regulate your thoughts.
· The way you think mostly determines how you feel and behave (mostly because you are also influenced but not ‘controlled’ by other factors).
· You can manage or regulate your thoughts – this will allow you more control over your behavioural and emotional responses.
· Controlling your thoughts will give you more clarity and the space to pay attention and reflect.
· No matter how you acquired your beliefs – you still choose to adhere to them today. You have a CHOICE in how you think.
· To change your beliefs takes time, repetition, continual and firm action by challenging the beliefs in your head and adopting (through the same process) more helpful, and often more realistic, thoughts.
To conclude…
You can learn to cultivate a healthier, more supportive inner world.
Your mind can be a powerful tool to support you in achieving your goals and living a life filled with purpose, passion and joy - or you can continue to hold yourself back.
Break free and start exploring today.
Let me know how you want more support from me. Positive psychology coaching is a fantastic space to work through your limiting beliefs and to break free to a highly energised, fully aligned, compassionate and powerful self. We can also chat about the other ways Wellbeing Explorers and the community can support you to break free from your negative thinking.
